The Halo franchise has never been a favourite of mine. I regard it, admittedly from a point of complete ignorance, as "baby's first shooter". Without trying to sound completely biased against it, the fact that the player's character, Master Chief (or in Reach's case Noble 6), can jump 20 feet in the air and absorb a whole armoury before even his shield is depleted really does make it for people who might have lost some of their brain in a serious industrial accident.
Now, I try not to succumb to hype, but I have been known to buckle under the weight sometimes, even for games in a franchise that I don't like. I just thank all powerful Atheismo that I held out on buying this one. For you see, the game is not only ass, but ass made of nothing but cellulite with acne dimples you could suffocate a whale in.
All aboard the critic ship. Next port of call, the hilariously sub-par graphics. Games these days have a lot to live up to in the graphics department, so when a game comes out that looks a tad shoddy, it sticks out like an elephant in a penguin enclosure. Not that the graphics are bad per se, but compared to other games they are pretty shocking. The first thing that really caught my eye was the amount of aliasing. I was actually shocked. Console games tend to forsake anti-aliasing due to the impact on performance it has, but Jesus this needed something... anything.
Another problem with the graphics is the attempt at motion blur. While the rest of the graphics are bad in comparison with other games, this is just straight up bad. So bad in fact I thought my TV was on the blink. If you've ever played a launch PSP and seen the pretty dire ghosting that happens on that screen, that what you get in Reach. The combination of sub-par graphics and hilariously bad blur just makes me feel sorry for the people who actually like this game who have to stare at that mess for hours.
As with Call of Duty titles, there is an obvious bias in the game toward multiplayer. This leaves the single player campaign feeling tacked on and worthless, or written by people who had just taken a class in Movie Clichés 101. When a character says, with genuine sincerity, "may God help us all..." you know the writers don't care. I know I didn't after that line. All I cared about was stopping myself from dying with laughter.
When I wasn't losing vital organs from laughter, I was in a state of mild confusion. The planet Reach is where the war with the Covenant begins, so why would the characters know everything about the enemy before hand? I can imagine there being some knowledge through research and historical records, but to know everything like the game is set after all the other games is pretty stupid. While the people playing the game will most likely know everything about the enemy, the characters in the game shouldn't.
When I wasn't doing either of those things, I was losing the will to live waiting for the game to load. I can usually deal with long load times when the game has a lot to load, but when the game is as sparsely populated as Reach is, it's surprising how long it takes.
Once I had waited a life age of the Earth to get into the game I was back on the life support machine. I have never seen anything as funny as an NPC trying to navigate the terrain in a car. If these marines are the best Earth has to offer, I'm surprised the Covenant didn't go straight for Earth from the get go. Trying to drive them yourself, on the other hand, is a matter of pure frustration. I can see the attempt at having the controls mimic on foot controls, but it just doesn't work.
Now we come careening into the murky, racist 9-year-old infested waters of multiplayer. Or we would if the matchmaking had worked. I have read about Halo's matchmaking being very good, but it certainly didn't show here. For starters it tried to make me buy map packs before I had even got into the multiplayer part of the menu. I tried multiple game modes multiple times, but I never joined a game. Too bad Halo, it could have swayed my opinion. It would have been tough, and it probably would have had to perform some sort of act on my genitalia while playing to do that, but now I will never know.
What's really mind-boggling is how the series is admired by so many people. I don't know if this particular game is the errant turd in a bowl of sweets, but if the fans love it this much I'm willing to bet it's not much different to previous titles.
Now, I try not to succumb to hype, but I have been known to buckle under the weight sometimes, even for games in a franchise that I don't like. I just thank all powerful Atheismo that I held out on buying this one. For you see, the game is not only ass, but ass made of nothing but cellulite with acne dimples you could suffocate a whale in.
All aboard the critic ship. Next port of call, the hilariously sub-par graphics. Games these days have a lot to live up to in the graphics department, so when a game comes out that looks a tad shoddy, it sticks out like an elephant in a penguin enclosure. Not that the graphics are bad per se, but compared to other games they are pretty shocking. The first thing that really caught my eye was the amount of aliasing. I was actually shocked. Console games tend to forsake anti-aliasing due to the impact on performance it has, but Jesus this needed something... anything.
Another problem with the graphics is the attempt at motion blur. While the rest of the graphics are bad in comparison with other games, this is just straight up bad. So bad in fact I thought my TV was on the blink. If you've ever played a launch PSP and seen the pretty dire ghosting that happens on that screen, that what you get in Reach. The combination of sub-par graphics and hilariously bad blur just makes me feel sorry for the people who actually like this game who have to stare at that mess for hours.
As with Call of Duty titles, there is an obvious bias in the game toward multiplayer. This leaves the single player campaign feeling tacked on and worthless, or written by people who had just taken a class in Movie Clichés 101. When a character says, with genuine sincerity, "may God help us all..." you know the writers don't care. I know I didn't after that line. All I cared about was stopping myself from dying with laughter.
When I wasn't losing vital organs from laughter, I was in a state of mild confusion. The planet Reach is where the war with the Covenant begins, so why would the characters know everything about the enemy before hand? I can imagine there being some knowledge through research and historical records, but to know everything like the game is set after all the other games is pretty stupid. While the people playing the game will most likely know everything about the enemy, the characters in the game shouldn't.
When I wasn't doing either of those things, I was losing the will to live waiting for the game to load. I can usually deal with long load times when the game has a lot to load, but when the game is as sparsely populated as Reach is, it's surprising how long it takes.
Once I had waited a life age of the Earth to get into the game I was back on the life support machine. I have never seen anything as funny as an NPC trying to navigate the terrain in a car. If these marines are the best Earth has to offer, I'm surprised the Covenant didn't go straight for Earth from the get go. Trying to drive them yourself, on the other hand, is a matter of pure frustration. I can see the attempt at having the controls mimic on foot controls, but it just doesn't work.
Now we come careening into the murky, racist 9-year-old infested waters of multiplayer. Or we would if the matchmaking had worked. I have read about Halo's matchmaking being very good, but it certainly didn't show here. For starters it tried to make me buy map packs before I had even got into the multiplayer part of the menu. I tried multiple game modes multiple times, but I never joined a game. Too bad Halo, it could have swayed my opinion. It would have been tough, and it probably would have had to perform some sort of act on my genitalia while playing to do that, but now I will never know.
What's really mind-boggling is how the series is admired by so many people. I don't know if this particular game is the errant turd in a bowl of sweets, but if the fans love it this much I'm willing to bet it's not much different to previous titles.
No comments:
Post a Comment