Star Wars - The Force Unleashed 2

A few hours ago in a bedroom far, far away...

... I started playing The Force Unleashed 2. Then, 4 hours later, I stopped playing. Why? Well it could have been because the game ended. Yes, I think this game could go down as one of the shortest full priced retail video games of all time. Don't go thinking that it was an attempt to speed through either, because I sat and watched every cutscene and even paused one to talk to my mother at one point.

Now, short games I don't care about. What I care about is value for money. For a game that would have cost £40+ at launch, that is absolutely atrocious. Luckily for me, I didn't pay that much.

Well, what can you say about a game that doesn't last as long as some films and costs 4 times as much? It... When... The... graphics were nice? To be fair to the game the graphics were nice. In fact that's probably the only positive about the game.

I guess I should really start by saying that if you want to continue where the first game left off, then too bad, loser. For you see, the beginning of this game ignores the choices made by the player and begins anew, disregarding continuity like a McDonald's employee disregards personal hygiene.

You begin the game as a clone of the original Starkiller being told by Vader to hate everything he loved, i.e. Juno Eclipse. Immediately the game falters and the player becomes emotionally separate from the game. This is because love stories don't translate well to video games. In films and books, we can relate to and sympathise with characters, but they always remain individual to the viewer. However, in video games you are the character. These events are happening to a character you directly control. This makes it difficult to pull off strong emotions while keeping the player emotionally invested in the story.

What doesn't help is the blind fanaticism Starkiller shows in trying to find Juno. It's not just a strong emotion, it's his only emotion, which renders half of this incredibly short game redundant. Other plot points are thrown in to try and bring back other characters, but everything always boils down to finding Juno (who's acting hasn't got any better, crikey). This also includes an incredibly brief and utterly pointless cameo by Boba Fett, who is apparently the only bounty hunter in the galaxy.

Speaking of minuscule sub plots; the freeing of General Kota (who is so in touch with the force, he doesn't need eyes) from gladiatorial captivity is a strange one. Having laid waste to most of the imperial troops in the city, you find Kota in an arena fighting various monsters. Upon your arrival, a fearful beast known as the Gorog, who resembles Popeye if he were bitten by a radioactive spinach plant, is unleashed. The attempt at gigantic scale is admirable, but it never really feels huge. Nothing about the encounter is different enough from any of the microboss encounters. It's just avoid, force lightning, avoid, force lightning over and over. It's made all the more tedious because of the fact you could have just run away. It's not like that thing could just hop on a space cruiser and come after you.

I'm strong to the finish, 'cause I eats me spinach...

After that the game is just a slog through various unimpressive locations that look vaguely Star Wars-y, with appropriate boss encounters thrown in for length, until the inevitable confrontation with Darth Vader. Seriously, Vader is getting boring now. So boring that even the developers couldn't be bothered it seems. A straight up one-on-one with some tedious platforming and quick time events. Oh, but half way through Juno gets thrown out of a window and for all Starkiller's supposed love for her, does he go and help? Nope, his hatred of Vader consumes him. Pardon my asking, but doesn't hate lead to the dark side, the very thing you're trying to avoid? Talk about a waste of time.

Then it all comes down to one simple choice. Spare Vader, or kill him. The two choices have two completely separate outcomes, neither of which can relate to each other. I'll try and explain:

• Light Side - You spare Vader, he is taken into custody, your droid tells you that he cannot revive Juno after her fall but she suddenly is all right again
• Dark Side - As you are about to kill Vader a perfectly cloned Sith Starkiller lightsabers you in the back, Kota gets hurled off the platform, Juno dies and so do you

I'm sorry, what? What happened to the sith Starkiller in the light side ending? How did Juno survive one but not the other? Stories change after a choice, not before.

In the end, it seems this game is merely filling in an inevitable trilogy sandwich. It's too bad this filling is a monolayer of greasy margarine and nothing else.